Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Journey Through The Midnight Hour

Right so it's 00:17 in the morning and I'm trying to get ready to sleep as I can no longer sleep without getting myself so drowsy that when I get into bed I fall asleep instantly to forgo the act of having to actually converse with the beasts inside my head.
                In this strangely quiet hour I'm listening to an Environmental broadcast from the people at Sleepbot. This is a radio station that continuously plays only soothing environmental and instrumental tunes. It's supposed to be listened to while you sleep to give you a nice soothing mood while you dream away those midnight (or daylight) hours. I stumbled upon it via Warren Ellis' twitter. I find it relaxes me in a way music with lyrics doesn't, it allows me space to think in my own head while not listening to the screaming of the daily world around me. To find this broadcast take a look at the links at the bottom.
                As for why this blog has not been updated since my previous comic related spam it's because I've lost my job. No, not in the sense it's wandering around middle England somewhere but my work considered that I was not doing my job in a satisfactory manor which I suppose I agree with. I hadn't been putting my all into my job primarily because I was only there for the paycheck at the end of the month which never bodes well. I'm currently looking for a new job while trying to convince the British Government that yes, I do actually need some money to keep living however much they would rather not give me any.
                It's odd really that I continue to avoid the fact that If I want to succeed in what I really want to do which is Programming and more specifically game and UI programming. Then I will someday have to actually focus and do something regarding it. However I have no experience, no qualification and even no idea how I would go about such a thing. Yet I entertain ideas that someday I may be as technically amazing as Chris Delay of Introversion or Brad Wardell of Stardock.
                At this hour I find solace in that I'm still young and I can still learn new things but I feel downhearted at the fact no university seems to want to accept me on any course related to computer sciences. I feel I have an ability for computers within me yet no matter how hard I try I can't progress to where I want to be. I'm studying for a Java certification that I'm not sure is worth anything as without experience who would be interested in hiring me?
                I understand this is pretty much emo droning and It should clear up with the sunny skies (read: grey) but I feel self expression is a high form of indulgement that allows certain aspects of myself to reveal themselves in this case being that I'm melancholy and want a break.
                Well sleep starts drive me, the sleepbot is whispering sweet nothings in my ear and it sounds similar to The Real Folk Blues from Cowboy Bebop. Quiet, sad and beautiful. I feel night is the most refreshing time in a day. It gives us all time to recharge, relax and regardless of sleeping or awake be rid of others in our lives to recover our sense of being ourselves alone rather than us with others.
                Well that's enough rambling I think. It's 00:46 and my piece continues. I think I'll wind down a little more before sleep. I suggest checking out the links below to certain people or things I mention and let me know if anything I said makes any sense to you. I'd always like to know.
Warren Ellis - http://www.warrenellis.com - twitter: warrenellis
Brad Wardell - http://www.stardock.com/ - blog: http://draginol.joeuser.com/
Chris Delay - http://www.introversion.co.uk/ - blog: http://www.introversion.co.uk/blog
Sleepbot - http://www.sleepbot.com/ambience/broadcast/
Cowboy Bebop - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cowboy_Bebop